ponderisms

[twobone]

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

*

 

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

 

 

 

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

 

*

 

 

Life is sexually transmitted.*

 

 

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth

 

 

 

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 

*

 

 

Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone that takes pictures these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 

 

*

 

 

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 

 

*

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

 

*

 

 

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

 

*

 

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

 

*

 

 

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?