Engineer

[slngsht]

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

 

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

 

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

 

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

 

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

 

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

 

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

 

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[powderbrake]

 

 

Many years ago, I couldn't even spell inguneer........... now I are one!

[powderbrake]

An engineer's view of women

http://www.usa7s.com/aspnetforum/upload/1206233716_EngineersViewof women.jpg

[slngsht]

:lol:

[drew...]

Dilbert - The Knack - Engineer

 

I have the distinct feeling that many in this club will indentify with the clip above.

[solder_guy]

  drew... said:

http://www.flixxy.com/dilbert-the-knack.htm Dilbert - The Knack - Engineer

 

Nice! Reminds me of Richard Feynman .. who could fix things by just pacing and thinking about the problem!

 

Rob

[xflow7]

 

Of course there is always this classic:

 

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

 

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

 

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

 

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know."

 

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

 

The man below says "You must be a manager."

 

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

 

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

 

:jester:

[Sean]

Q: What is the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?

A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, and civil engineers build targets.

[solder_guy]

  Sean said:

A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, and civil engineers build targets.

 

:d

 

Rob

 

[BusaLoco]

Found on Locost UK

 

 

Understanding Engineers

 

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when

one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,

minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,

threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what

you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the

clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

 

 

Understanding Engineers

 

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

 

Understanding Engineers

 

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been

waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept

golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with

him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire

fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we

always let them play for free anytime."

 

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer

For them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

 

Understanding Engineers

 

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

 

 

Understanding Engineers

 

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough

features yet.

 

 

 

Maths facts

 

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

 

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder

about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been

to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about

achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

 

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these

questions:

 

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

 

Then:

 

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

 

and

 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

 

But,

 

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

 

And,

 

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

 

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

 

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

 

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and

Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the

Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

 

 

 

 

[slngsht]

  BusaLoco said:

 

 

Understanding 7 owners

 

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the 7 owner, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

Corrected it for ya