Little Johnny to the rescue

[slngsht]

since even car related threads are political these days, let's lighten the mood:

 

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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked one of her students, "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

 

 

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

 

 

The teacher responded by saying, "that would be rude and impolite. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?"

 

 

Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

 

 

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

 

 

"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to Introduce you to after dinner'."

[scannon]

Here's one about Johnny's little sister:

 

 

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little

5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe

that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

 

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a

construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The young

family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and

spent much of each day observing the workers.

 

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough,' more or

less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during

coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to

make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope

containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who

suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the

next day to start a savings account.

 

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed

and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such

a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real

construction crew building the new house next door to us."

 

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the

house again this week, too?"

 

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever

deliver the fuckin' sheet rock."

 

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

[Hank]

BAAAA HAHAHAHAH. I didn't see that one coming at all, scannon.

 

Heard the little johnny before.

[Mondo]

Agreed on the use of a little levity...

 

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask

over his mouth and nose..

 

A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only

here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from

worry about his testicles, she over comes

her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown,

holds his manhood in one hand

and his testicles in the other.

 

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly:

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......

 

"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??"

[WestTexasS2K]

Mondo, I dont care who you are that there is funny!

[Mondo]

Now we know...

[MHKflyer52]

Now we know...

 

The photo posted is not correct in any way just to let you know.

 

I know that it was not meant to be taken seriously but their are a lot of people that do not know that A/N1H1 (Swine Flue) is only transmitted via human to human and is a respiratory influenza.

 

The below quote is from the CDC and World Health Organization.

 

"The H1N1 virus -generated by a mutation of a virus common to birds (SARS), humans and pigs, is transmitted from human to human only -and through the respiratory system-. N1H1 remains a A type influenza.

 

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) last report, the N1H1 virus is the combination between 1 human influenza virus strain, 1 bird flu strain and 2 different virus strains from pigs. Viruses mutate and combine inside a human host, that operates as a "lab flask".

 

Infection is only possible from human to human through respiratory ways."

 

Please be aware that good hygiene practices such as washing one hands and covering one mouth when sneezing or coughing and then washing ones hands is the best way to prevent most illness and the spread of those illnesses.

 

It has been suggested that if you are sick, then take actions to not spread the germs such as staying home and not infecting others and practice good hygiene to help control the spread of the germs you may or may not have.

 

Notice and Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor or anything associated with the health industry but I am informed and what I have stated in this post is not to be taken as a put down but to inform people who might not know.

[Mondo]

While working for the Fire Department, I was put in charge of making plans for an avian flu pandemic affecting the city... now that's some bad stuff!

 

Yeah, that pic's just a joke in regards to all the hype

[scannon]

I read a report in a local newspaper on the swine flu and the last thing they mentioned was that Egypt was preparing to slaughter all pigs in the country! I thought it was some kind of sick joke until I found this reported by the AP.

[MHKflyer52]

I read a report in a local newspaper on the swine flu and the last thing they mentioned was that Egypt was preparing to slaughter all pigs in the country! I thought it was some kind of sick joke until I found this reported by the AP.

 

Maybe just one more reason that we should cut all ties to countries like that even if they have oil or maybe they will render all of those pigs to make fuel from the lard.....I do not think so.....