twobone Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I was just asked to travel 1-2 weeks a month as part of work for a year or two. I have not seen the financial offer associated with it, but they really need me and I think they will sweeten the deal. I have a unique understanding of some govt regs that they need me to apply in another jurisdiction. I have two young boys (6 and 11) and my wife works part time. For those who have been in my place in the past.....what kind of impact did it have on your family life and marriage. Looking back, do you have any advice, any regrets? The plus for me is that I'm about 8 years from early retirement. If I can negotiate a big income jump as part of this, it will help increase my long term pension (which is based on my average salary in the last 5 years of working). So do I accept short term pain for long term financial gain....or could I look back on this as a bad trade off by missing part of the best years with my kids? Soul searching.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snookwheel Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 If the income lets your wife stay home full time, she will be able to fill is some of the gaps, but the work load on her will be increased... Not a small issue. The kids will always adjust, but when you are home your spare time will need to wrap around them more so than your hobbies. I speak from the kids eyes, my dad was an International Pilot and often gone two weeks at a time almost every month. It can work, but it wasn't easy on Mom, and Dad time was tough to come by when he first came home (stuff always broke when he was gone). Your kids are just getting to the age where a Dad's daily input can be important... Mom will wish you were around. The Dollars had really better be worth it because there is a price that ya pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMike Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 With few regrets, I retired from the Army in 2008 after 23-years in order to spend more time with my children, then 7 & 8. Even though I was competitive for future promotions, great assignments and travel, I knew that I would not get a redo being a father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHKflyer52 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 With few regrets, I retired from the Army in 2008 after 23-years in order to spend more time with my children, then 7 & 8. Even though I was competitive for future promotions, great assignments and travel, I knew that I would not get a redo being a father. I have to agree with MightyMike as I also retired from the US Navy and one of the few things that I know realize that I missed out on was our kids growing up during that age (teen years) as they where young adults and in collage when I retired in 1999. Still it is a time that will go by fast for the kids and the most difficult part will be for your wife to adapt to being both parents and still being a mom and not loosing her sanity in the process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xcarguy Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 twobone, Sounds like the angel on your shoulder has the louder voice. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slngsht Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I've never taken the travel or relocation option. No regrets. Everyone's situation is different though. My younger son is mildly autistic and the stress on our family life is just not worth it for me. There's really no wrong decision if there is a financial benefit for your trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucky dawg Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 What will your level of enjoyment be in the new job compared to your current one? When you are home will you be in a better or worse mood with the new job? What do the wife and kids think of the idea? When the 1-2 year commitment ends, will your salary remain high or come back to current levels? If it falls back, it won't really help your retirement at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twobone Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 My retirement is based on the best 5 years of my final 10, so it will help. I talked to my wife. She is open to lots of ideas. However, right now I have a really good gig: I like my current job, home by 6, spending time with the kids, great work/life balance, everybody is happy. I'm also a risk averse guy. I guess we will wait to see what the offer is. Its going to take a lot to push me out of my comfort zone. Thanks for the words of wisdom guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitcat Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Work/family is a delicate, ongoing, balancing act. I never felt I had it just right. My "kids" are 36,28,24. Every minute with them was special, tho I leaned on my wife a lot. There are no do-overs once kids are grown/gone. What do you want your memories at that point to be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croc Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) I will come at it from the other direction. 1-2 weeks a month means you will likely be away a third to half a year living out of a mediocre hotel somewhere, lining up with with unwashed masses to get through security at some forgotten airport, waiting for a plane to not arrive on time or depart on time and then the tedium of sitting through a long flight with a sore ass crowded in like sardines in a can next to some 400 pound guy with the worst body odor that makes you want to retch, all the time desperately missing the kids and wife and your own bed to sleep in. I fly anywhere from 110,000 to 150,000 miles a year globally for business and family and have done so since the 1990s. I am lucky enough to fly at the pointy end every time. I have top tier status in air, hotel, rental car programs and I am fast tracked everywhere. I know flight attendants by name on United airlines and they know me by name and we greet as friends. I even get private jet travel occasionally. I can say with experience - work travel sucks. You waste so much time, get so frustrated, and come away exhausted and dirty. I will still travel as I have close family 10,000 miles away and there are lots of destinations in the world I want to see personally and they are worth making the sacrifice for but I could quite happily drop the 80-90,000 work air miles each year. It would want to be a really good financial offer (think 75-100%+) before you sign up to an 8 year commitment and who knows if you will really be able to early retire in 8 years thanks to our dysfunctional global investment markets and economies. The guys above are right, value the family and your sanity. Edited August 14, 2013 by Croc fixed typos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikker Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Stay home , unless the wife is nuts and the kids monsters, then run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powderbrake Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 If the offer is decent, take the job. You will still be home 1/2 the time, and your time with the family will feel twice as good. I totally agree with Croc. Work travel sucks. But everything that you don't enjoy sucks. So suck it up and take the money and run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikker Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I recall an older friend telling me how quickly time passes when my son was born, I had no idea what he was talking about..I do now, it is fleeting; they are the best years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucky dawg Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 FWIW, some of the best memories from my daughter growing up are the times I left work for a few hours (I was a field employee for 33 years) to watch a school play, see her volleyball matches, go to the parent teacher conference, etc. Being one of the few dads at some of these events made them even more special for her and I. Besides, if you are away from home for two weeks a month, that is 50% less time you can be driving your 7. Hard to over emphasize that factor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdog Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 While you do need to make money. Your primary job in this life is to support your family. I mean the kind of support that REALLY counts. Which is being there for them. Esp the kids. Your job is to provide guidance, Instill moral values. If you aren't there. They will still get guidance and their moral values from someone. It might not be you. But they will get it one way or the other. Your kids are far more important than stuff or a few extra dollars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedwagon Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Most times used the-- Who is going to pay for my lost time? statement and usually some other fool got the travel for peanuts. Did work out of town for a year as a single dad and 11yr daughter went with me, it was good life experience for her. But as said here before time with your kids is forever- money is gone soon. The kids and I did many things that would get you sent to jail today but they all have a high level of self confidence because of it. Perhaps trade travel for extra time off with family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a.moore Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 My dad passed away when I was 11. He was always there for his family and even 17 years after his passing some of my happiest childhood memories were of the times we spent together. The family gladly would have traded his good job for more time. Just saying..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twobone Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 in the end, my current boss got me a nice retention bonus to stay (requires 2 year commitment) so it all ended out as a win-win. I keep my current at home job, with great job security, some more cash in the bank and I get to keep my work life balance. Today was my son's 12th birthday and I was home to enjoy it with him. Its all good! Thanks for all the wise counsel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Hill Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 20 yrs ago I lost my almost 17 yr old daughter. I deeply regretted the 80 hr/wk workaholic that I had become, that I had not been there more. Having 5 and 7 yr old sons at home, I decided that very little was as important as spending more quality time with them than I had with their sister. Downsized a lot of things in my life, quit being a slave to the almighty $$$, and spent as much time with my boys as a part-time Dad could. Looking back with the luxury of hindsight it was the smartest decision of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Hill Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Sorry...hit a wrong button! Anyway...we spent 12 yrs racing karts, the boys running 125 shifters with the WKA National Road Race Series all over the eastern US for the final 8 yrs. And now, 5 yrs later, both are gainfully employed in the speedy end of the automotive industry. Trevor (27) is on salary at Calabogie Motorsports Park, wearing multiple hats, including instructor with their fleet of Mustangs. Travis (25) is their resident pro instructor, as well as being the Canadian rep for Switzer Performance, developing their track packages on Nissan GTRs and Porsche 911s. Plus they both maintain race cars for others, offering track support and driver coaching as well. So for me the 20 weekends a year with the karts, the many shared hours of prep and planning, us seeing most of North America in the process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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